Regret is a tool for growth

Reflection

Live a fulfilled life. We can’t change the past; we can only grow from it. We can’t control the future; we can only prepare for it. Become continuously present and align with your highest values.

Why do we regret things?

• We have a desire for a better outcome.

• It is a way for us to learn from our past and avoid repeating unhelpful decisions/actions. It is a survival mechanism.

• We can ask “What-if” scenarios that can lead to regret about the actions we took, didn’t take, or didn’t imagine ahead of time.

• Misalignment between expectations (values/beliefs) and reality

• Our society values success and specific outcomes. This can lead to regret because, as individuals, we may not align with what society deems valuable. For example, finishing school, owning a home by a certain age, making a certain amount of money, or looking a certain way.

• It is a combination of emotions: anger, disappointment, loss, and guilt. This is a response to a perceived wrongness.

• A response to loss/lack of control or power. The thinking goes like this: “If I were able to X (action statement), then I wouldn’t have experienced Y (situation).”

Is regretting things a natural response? What is it a response to?

• Yes. It is inevitable to regret or wish for a different outcome. That is what it means to learn and grow. The best way to minimize regrets that feel devastating when we are on our deathbed is to continually review our values and align with them as much as possible. Living a fulfilled life is one sure way to minimize regret.

• Regret can happen when we do not work to continuously improve the accuracy of our mental model of the world and work to sharpen our ability to see differing perspectives.

What are the benefits of having or feeling regrets?

• It is helpful for decision making (strategizing), growing, adapting, and learning.

• We can harness it as a reason for continuously aligning with our values and desires.